Friday 30 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Beer.

Exercise for the elbow and the bladder.

Thursday 29 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Asterisk*

When you see this symbol immediatly after an advertised price it usually means "believe this and your an idiot".

* An Asterisk.

Wednesday 28 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Mysteries (No1)

Why are Snowmen cute but Sandmen creepy?

Saturday 24 December 2011

Also..

Merry Christmas.

Compliments of the Season to all my readers be they Human, bots, or lifeforms that may one day suprise us all.

                        HAPPY HOLIDAY!

Today I`m thinking about..

2012.

So the recipe goes, take a melting pot*, big enough, big enough to take the world and all its got, keep it stirring for a hundred years or more, a pinch of planet killing asteroid.....oops too much asteriod...thats torn it...dammit...better start again.

*Melting Pot. Blue Mink 1969.

Friday 23 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

DNA.

For most of the Human Race the DNA in our cells is a supercoiled double helix, but in Grannies it forms itself into a Purl 2, 3 Plain, Thread over sequence that ends up resembling a shape similar to a teapot cosy.

Thursday 22 December 2011

Wednesday 21 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

3D.

If your that keen on headaches and nausea then I suggest that you go down the Pub and get a proper hangover.

Tuesday 20 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Getting Pissed.

Mmm drunk, angry or both.....confused...drunk then.

Monday 19 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

AI.

Feeling a bit down today. Just been told that I failed the Turing test.

Saturday 17 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Freedom of the Press.

Essential to the production of a good cider.

Friday 16 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Curiosity.

We can only hope that it doesn`t find a Martian cat.

Thursday 15 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Startrek Universe*.

After beaming up to the Enterprise, Captain Kirk was dismayed to find that a Transporter malfunction had resulted in a sex change. Luckily the missing bits turned up half an hour later on the planet Vulcan.

 *Startrek the original series Paramount Television.

Wednesday 14 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The ISS.

Latest! It appears that plans for a duty free shop have been dashed by funding cutbacks.

Tuesday 13 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Faster than the speed of Light?

I reckon that at least one of those damn Neutrinos cheated.

Monday 12 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Ageing.

Holy crap I`ve developed an affinity for flannelette.

Sunday 11 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Cannibalism.

If I bite my tongue, does it count?

Friday 9 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Self Censorship.

Just like to say that I can`t stand those f*****g ******** and the f*****g ******** get right on my f*****g wick. There thats better.

*a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z.

Thursday 8 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Stealth Technology.

It`s proven so effective that people are still looking for areas one to fifty.

Wednesday 7 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Spam.

Afew days after being connected to the hive mind, the Cyborg had bought Two kilos of Viagra and developed a tendency to blurt out his bank details to strangers.

Tuesday 6 December 2011

Today Im thinking about..

Autonomous Motor Cars.

What do we want. Safety? Efficiency? Economy? Stuff that, just give me a car that I can drive to the pub and at the end of the night will take me home while I sleep it off on the back seat....Perfect.

Monday 5 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Greenhouse Effect.

No where near as bad as the Polytunnel peril.

Friday 2 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Beautiful Game.

Ah Miss World...Lovely isn`t it.

Thursday 1 December 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Thinking.

Thats distracting, my inner voice appears to have developed an American accent.

Wednesday 30 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Winterval.

Uniting religions in the hatred of one word.

Tuesday 29 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Soul Food.

An idea that your average Zombie has a hard time getting his/her head around.

Monday 28 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Tobacco.

Who said going organic is good for you?

Saturday 26 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Rapture.

Musn`t grumble it`s done wonders for the queues down the supermarket.

Friday 25 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Recycling.

Making tomorrows rubbish...today!

Thursday 24 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Love of Money is the Root of all Evil.

Mr and Mrs Money were not amused by this Proverb one bit.

Wednesday 23 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Cemetaries.

The perfect place to combine the pleasures of walking, reading and depression.

Monday 21 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The RAF.

You have to admit, that it takes some guts to let someone paint targets on various bits of your aircraft.

Saturday 19 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Melting of the Polar Ice Caps.

I`m not overly worried as it seems to be a regular occurence anyway, unlike a melting Dutch Cap which would be a once in a lifetime experience.

Friday 18 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Biodiversity.

There`s just too much choice between washing liquids and powders, so in future I`m sticking to either non-bio or soapflakes.

Thursday 17 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Life on Mars.

Probably hitched a lift from here on one of the landers.

Wednesday 16 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Globalisation.

It`s shrunk the world to such an extent, that I can see both America and China from the roof of my house.

Tuesday 15 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Thin Blue Line.

That reminds me, my Ballpoint needs a refill.

Monday 14 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Robots.

Masters or slaves...I don`t know, but from now on it`s Mr Asimo (Sir), just in case.

Saturday 12 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Theory of Evolution.

Will one day be replaced by a fitter, stronger version I suppose.

Friday 11 November 2011

Today I,m thinking about..

Driving ability.

Pretty good now, coming from the school of hard knocks....er rear enders and the occasional head on.

Thursday 10 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Computer Technology.

Increases your efficiency by constant nagging and getting in the way.

Wednesday 9 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Free Energy Machines.

It`s such a good idea, but why are they so darned expensive?

Today I`m thinking about..

Antimatter.

I strongnly disagree and place myself firmly in the Promatter camp.

Monday 7 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Democracy.

Always vote for the dullest,blandest, most lacklustre candidate on the list. The dynamic ones just cause trouble.

Sunday 6 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Fly-by-Wire.

No thank you! I`d much prefer a Butterfly-by -Mail.

Saturday 5 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Bullfighting.

Practiced by anyone that`s ever told a Member of Parliament to just shut up and listen.

Friday 4 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Demonic Possession.

Probably a fireproof hat with two holes cut in it for the horns.

Thursday 3 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Music Industry.

Mp3 players, twenty quid to buy, six hundred quid to fill....now thats what I call value.

Wednesday 2 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Pink Floyd*.

Just joined Facebook, so "all in all I`m just another prick with a wall".

*Pink Floyd.

Tuesday 1 November 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Smoking Ban.

Thomas the Tank Engine* had been having a bit of a tough time lately.

 * http://www.hitnewsonline.com/

Monday 31 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Conservation.

Animals!....If you want to survive, be cute. You`ve been warned.

Sunday 30 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The British Weather.

Seven day forcast from beginning of July....sh*t...sh*t...sh*tt*er...sh*tt*est...sh*t...sh*t...sh*t...repeat until Autumn.

*i

Saturday 29 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Black Holes.

A bit like the taxman, dense yet nothing escapes.

Friday 28 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Halloween.

Try and cut back on sugar this Halloween, vampires get tooth decay too.

Thursday 27 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Diamonds on the soles of her shoes*.

Now thats what I call a carbon footprint.

*Paul Simon.

Wednesday 26 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The EU debt crisis.

It seems that the British plan to bail out the ailing economies by having a car boot sale fell on deaf ears.

Tuesday 25 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Smartphones.

Everybody wins, you can stick it to the man and enrich a Telco.

Sunday 23 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Hybrid cars.

How on Earth did the car makers get them to breed?

Thursday 20 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

1984*

Well I suppose it`s well and truly here, unfortunatly minus the cheap Gin.

*George Orwell (1949)

Wednesday 19 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The New World order.

King Prawn and Black Bean sauce, fried rice and Prawn Crackers please.

Tuesday 18 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Lightsabres.

Did you know that Yoda was six foot two before switching on his lightsabre and forgetting to take it out of his pocket first.

Monday 17 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Time travel.

I wouldn`t bother with the recent past, every TV show is a repeat.

Saturday 15 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Gadgets.

Forget drugs, with gadgets the next fix is always better than the last.

Friday 14 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Skynet.

"Termy.....if your out destroying humanity again today make sure you take a spare charger, you know what happened last time, and pick up some chips on your way home."

Thursday 13 October 2011

Wednesday 12 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Life Extension.

Medical science is a wonderful thing, it`s about to give us an average life span of over a hundred years or more, which is just as well `cos its about what I need to catch up with the backlog of programmes on my PVR

Tuesday 11 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Global Financial Crisis.

If only the bankers had put it all on the black instead of the red...

Monday 10 October 2011

Sunday 9 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Disclaimers.

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily those of the person that thought them up, wrote them down and generally bandied them about.

Saturday 8 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Large Hadron Collider.

So if they find the God particle and we all survive the experience, will they need to build a bigger machine to find out which (particular) God it belongs to?

Friday 7 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Insomnia.

Can`t sleep? Have five cups of coffee before going to bed, it won`t help one little bit but at least you will know the reason why.

Thursday 6 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

A nice cup of tea.

The Tannin stains your teeth, biscuits make you fat and scalding liquid is held perilously close to your face and crotch, mmmh now thats what I call relaxing.

Wednesday 5 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Internet.

Babble,babble.babble......interesting.......babble,babble,babble.......

Tuesday 4 October 2011

Sunday 2 October 2011

Today I,m thinking about..

Stem cell research.

They say that two heads are better than one, let`s hope that it doesn`t become compulsary.

Saturday 1 October 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Human history.

Pretty quiet for thirteen billion years then all hell breaks loose.

Friday 30 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Tablet PCs.

Great for news and books but not so useful if you want to start a fire.

Thursday 29 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Cave art.

Easy to find really, just look out for a snooty cavewoman near the entrance.

Sunday 25 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Climate change.

Where is King Canute when you need him.

Saturday 24 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The phone hacking scandal.

If this story appears in the news for much longer it`s going to end up getting a sponsorship deal, logo and a nice range of merchandise.

Friday 23 September 2011

Thursday 22 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

SEO.


I`ve tried using keywords like Torquay, Turkey, Donkey and Hunky but they don`t seem to work for some reason.

Wednesday 21 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Vegetarianism.

If it`s got eyes don`t eat it, especially Potatoes and Paninis.

Tuesday 20 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

UK Economic policy.

Lend us a fiver `til payday or maybe the weekend when my horse comes in.

Monday 19 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

In space no one can hear you scream*.

Sounds like a good place for a Bikini wax..

*Alien (1979)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078748/

Saturday 17 September 2011

today I`m thinking about..

Soap.

In your face in the bathroom and on TV.

Friday 16 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Conspiracy theories.

I suspect that there is a shadowy group of individuals at the heart of government making them up.

Thursday 15 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Spiritualism.

Live for as long as you can it`s really boring on the other side.

Wednesday 14 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Google.

If it knows everything why won`t it give me next weeks lottery numbers?

Tuesday 13 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Andy Warhol.

I just hope that my fifteen minutes isn`t spent appearing on Crimewatch*.

*http://www.bbc.co.uk/crimewatch/

Monday 12 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Alien abduction.

You would think that they would at least leave a ransom note.

Friday 9 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Moores law.

How computer technology causes self reliance to half every eighteen months.

Thursday 8 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Walk a mile in my shoes.*

Who nicked my shoes?

* Elvis Presley.

Wednesday 7 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The end of the world.

At least there will be nobody  to say I told you so on the day after.

Tuesday 6 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Peak oil.

Guess it`s time for the Clampetts to head on back to the shack in the mountains.

Monday 5 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about

"At the end of the day".

Commonly called night time I believe.

Sunday 4 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Insanity.

Talking to yourself isn`t the first sign of madness, only the latest.

Saturday 3 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Commercial space travel.

I only hope that they do return tickets.

Friday 2 September 2011

Thursday 1 September 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

"Going Forward".

Usually said before "falling flat".

Wednesday 31 August 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Race Hatred.

Personally I can`t stand the 4x400 Metre relay.

Tuesday 30 August 2011

Monday 29 August 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Money.

Can`t wait to get it, cant` wait to get rid of it.

Saturday 27 August 2011

Friday 26 August 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Heaven.

Watch out for the bouncer on the door.

Thursday 25 August 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

Hell.

Put some crumpets in the coffin.....just in case.

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Today I`m thinking about..

The Wheel.

It`s about time it was reinvented.

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Today I`m thinking about

Life.

It`s all about getting your temperature right.