Today I`m thinking about..

The Leap Day.

  Less frequent than the Plummet Day, when no matter how hard you try there is no way that you can remember some of lifes events, even when told that you were definitly there and making an idiot of yourself.

Today I`m thinking about..

Artists Impression.

Try it with a Piccasso and you will get banged up for forgery I expect.

Today I`m thinking about..

CCTV.

We are all aware that CCTV helps to catch criminals, but how? Well imagine that your walking down the street and someone walks past but you can`t quite see their face, that will be a criminal, because all criminals have blurry faces. However if you see somebody with a pixellated face, they may not be a bad `un but very.. very shy.

Today I`m thinking about..

Rechargeable Electric Car Batteries.

To increase the range and reduce the weight they must become small and powerful until they are the size and shape of a hand grenade.....Just don`t drop it ok.

Today I`m thinking about..

GPS.

You know where you are, they know where you are, but you don`t know where they are, or who they are. It`s a pain in the are`s.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Petaflop.

About a thousand Trillion times faster than a Fosbury Flop.

Today I`m thinking about..

Brainstorming.

Tried it once but only managed a light Braindrizzling.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Creeps.

A man has been following me today carrying a tub of margarine......must be a Storker.

Today I`m thinking about..

Kitchen Gadgets.

I have so many of these things and they must be saving so much time that surely I can expect to have my lifespan extended by at least 20 years.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Milkman.

A Species on the verge of extinction yet the BBC has failed to make even one documentary.

Today I`m thinking about..

Dinosaurs.

Extinct for 65 million years, yet always on tne telly with new information being discovered all the time. But they never answer the question "what did dino taste like?" do they?

Today I`m thinking about..

Twitter.

Eureka! I`ve discovered a way of running your car on water using a few ingredients readily available in the home, it`s really simple.The secret

Today I`m thinking about..

Experience.

You will Know when enough of this has been aquired when you think back and say, "God was I really that stupid?".

Today I`m thinking about..

The Apocalypse.

I don`t give a damn who you are, just clean up all this horse crap when your finished.

Today I`m thinking about..

Piracy.

Watch out, if the copyright owners get their way then we will all get a jolly rogering.

Today I`m thinking about..

Angels.

If they are among us then they are not causing much of a flap.

Today I`m thinking about..

Cold Callers.

Public Notice: Do not threaten to warm them up by setting them on fire, it may be enjoyable but it`s probably illegal. You have been warned!

Today I`m thinking about..

Time Travellers.

Don`t forget your Past-port.

Today I`m thinking about..

Antiques.

When all said and done, the only thing that reaaly interests people is the Monet.

Today I`m thinking about..

Catholicism.

Popium of the masses.

Today I`m thinking about..

Alcohol.

Gives you the power to loose your inhibitions and your teeth in a single evening.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Pursuit of Happiness.

Remember, even though it can run faster than you, it can`t be caught if you don`t try.

Today I`m thinking about..

4G.

Gee its fast.
Gee its not available this year?
Gee how much?
Gee I`ve got to buy another phone.

Today I`m thinking about..

Organized Crime.

Its so nice to see tidy criminals.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Olympic Torch.

Please remember not to shout out "Oi mate your ice cream cones on fire" when it passes by on its route around Britain.