Today I`m thinking about..

Beer.

Exercise for the elbow and the bladder.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Asterisk*

When you see this symbol immediatly after an advertised price it usually means "believe this and your an idiot".

* An Asterisk.

Today I`m thinking about..

Mysteries (No1)

Why are Snowmen cute but Sandmen creepy?

Also..

Merry Christmas.

Compliments of the Season to all my readers be they Human, bots, or lifeforms that may one day suprise us all.

                        HAPPY HOLIDAY!

Today I`m thinking about..

2012.

So the recipe goes, take a melting pot*, big enough, big enough to take the world and all its got, keep it stirring for a hundred years or more, a pinch of planet killing asteroid.....oops too much asteriod...thats torn it...dammit...better start again.

*Melting Pot. Blue Mink 1969.

Today I`m thinking about..

DNA.

For most of the Human Race the DNA in our cells is a supercoiled double helix, but in Grannies it forms itself into a Purl 2, 3 Plain, Thread over sequence that ends up resembling a shape similar to a teapot cosy.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Cost of Living.

Dying, unfortunately.

Today I`m thinking about..

3D.

If your that keen on headaches and nausea then I suggest that you go down the Pub and get a proper hangover.

Today I`m thinking about..

Getting Pissed.

Mmm drunk, angry or both.....confused...drunk then.

Today I`m thinking about..

AI.

Feeling a bit down today. Just been told that I failed the Turing test.

Today I`m thinking about..

Freedom of the Press.

Essential to the production of a good cider.

Today I`m thinking about..

Curiosity.

We can only hope that it doesn`t find a Martian cat.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Startrek Universe*.

After beaming up to the Enterprise, Captain Kirk was dismayed to find that a Transporter malfunction had resulted in a sex change. Luckily the missing bits turned up half an hour later on the planet Vulcan.

 *Startrek the original series Paramount Television.

Today I`m thinking about..

The ISS.

Latest! It appears that plans for a duty free shop have been dashed by funding cutbacks.

Today I`m thinking about..

Faster than the speed of Light?

I reckon that at least one of those damn Neutrinos cheated.

Today I`m thinking about..

Ageing.

Holy crap I`ve developed an affinity for flannelette.

Today I`m thinking about..

Cannibalism.

If I bite my tongue, does it count?

Today I`m thinking about..

Self Censorship.

Just like to say that I can`t stand those f*****g ******** and the f*****g ******** get right on my f*****g wick. There thats better.

*a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z.

Today I`m thinking about..

Stealth Technology.

It`s proven so effective that people are still looking for areas one to fifty.

Today I`m thinking about..

Spam.

Afew days after being connected to the hive mind, the Cyborg had bought Two kilos of Viagra and developed a tendency to blurt out his bank details to strangers.

Today Im thinking about..

Autonomous Motor Cars.

What do we want. Safety? Efficiency? Economy? Stuff that, just give me a car that I can drive to the pub and at the end of the night will take me home while I sleep it off on the back seat....Perfect.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Greenhouse Effect.

No where near as bad as the Polytunnel peril.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Beautiful Game.

Ah Miss World...Lovely isn`t it.

Today I`m thinking about..

Thinking.

Thats distracting, my inner voice appears to have developed an American accent.

Today I`m thinking about..

Winterval.

Uniting religions in the hatred of one word.

Today I`m thinking about..

Soul Food.

An idea that your average Zombie has a hard time getting his/her head around.

Today I`m thinking about..

Tobacco.

Who said going organic is good for you?

Today I`m thinking about..

The Rapture.

Musn`t grumble it`s done wonders for the queues down the supermarket.

Today I`m thinking about..

Recycling.

Making tomorrows rubbish...today!

Today I`m thinking about..

The Love of Money is the Root of all Evil.

Mr and Mrs Money were not amused by this Proverb one bit.

Today I`m thinking about..

Cemetaries.

The perfect place to combine the pleasures of walking, reading and depression.

Today I`m thinking about..

The RAF.

You have to admit, that it takes some guts to let someone paint targets on various bits of your aircraft.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Melting of the Polar Ice Caps.

I`m not overly worried as it seems to be a regular occurence anyway, unlike a melting Dutch Cap which would be a once in a lifetime experience.

Today I`m thinking about..

Biodiversity.

There`s just too much choice between washing liquids and powders, so in future I`m sticking to either non-bio or soapflakes.

Today I`m thinking about..

Life on Mars.

Probably hitched a lift from here on one of the landers.

Today I`m thinking about..

Globalisation.

It`s shrunk the world to such an extent, that I can see both America and China from the roof of my house.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Thin Blue Line.

That reminds me, my Ballpoint needs a refill.

Today I`m thinking about..

Robots.

Masters or slaves...I don`t know, but from now on it`s Mr Asimo (Sir), just in case.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Theory of Evolution.

Will one day be replaced by a fitter, stronger version I suppose.

Today I,m thinking about..

Driving ability.

Pretty good now, coming from the school of hard knocks....er rear enders and the occasional head on.

Today I`m thinking about..

Computer Technology.

Increases your efficiency by constant nagging and getting in the way.

Today I`m thinking about..

Free Energy Machines.

It`s such a good idea, but why are they so darned expensive?

Today I`m thinking about..

Antimatter.

I strongnly disagree and place myself firmly in the Promatter camp.

Today I`m thinking about..

Democracy.

Always vote for the dullest,blandest, most lacklustre candidate on the list. The dynamic ones just cause trouble.

Today I`m thinking about..

Fly-by-Wire.

No thank you! I`d much prefer a Butterfly-by -Mail.

Today I`m thinking about..

Bullfighting.

Practiced by anyone that`s ever told a Member of Parliament to just shut up and listen.

Today I`m thinking about..

Demonic Possession.

Probably a fireproof hat with two holes cut in it for the horns.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Music Industry.

Mp3 players, twenty quid to buy, six hundred quid to fill....now thats what I call value.

Today I`m thinking about..

Pink Floyd*.

Just joined Facebook, so "all in all I`m just another prick with a wall".

*Pink Floyd.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Smoking Ban.

Thomas the Tank Engine* had been having a bit of a tough time lately.

 * http://www.hitnewsonline.com/

Today I`m thinking about..

Conservation.

Animals!....If you want to survive, be cute. You`ve been warned.

Today I`m thinking about..

The British Weather.

Seven day forcast from beginning of July....sh*t...sh*t...sh*tt*er...sh*tt*est...sh*t...sh*t...sh*t...repeat until Autumn.

*i

Today I`m thinking about..

Black Holes.

A bit like the taxman, dense yet nothing escapes.

Today I`m thinking about..

Halloween.

Try and cut back on sugar this Halloween, vampires get tooth decay too.

Today I`m thinking about..

Diamonds on the soles of her shoes*.

Now thats what I call a carbon footprint.

*Paul Simon.

Today I`m thinking about..

The EU debt crisis.

It seems that the British plan to bail out the ailing economies by having a car boot sale fell on deaf ears.

Today I`m thinking about..

Smartphones.

Everybody wins, you can stick it to the man and enrich a Telco.

Today I`m thinking about..

Hybrid cars.

How on Earth did the car makers get them to breed?

Today I`m thinking about..

1984*

Well I suppose it`s well and truly here, unfortunatly minus the cheap Gin.

*George Orwell (1949)

Today I`m thinking about..

The New World order.

King Prawn and Black Bean sauce, fried rice and Prawn Crackers please.

Today I`m thinking about..

Lightsabres.

Did you know that Yoda was six foot two before switching on his lightsabre and forgetting to take it out of his pocket first.

Today I`m thinking about..

Time travel.

I wouldn`t bother with the recent past, every TV show is a repeat.

Today I`m thinking about..

Gadgets.

Forget drugs, with gadgets the next fix is always better than the last.

Today I`m thinking about..

Skynet.

"Termy.....if your out destroying humanity again today make sure you take a spare charger, you know what happened last time, and pick up some chips on your way home."

Today I`m thinking about..

Fashion.

It`s soooooo passe.

Today I`m thinking about..

Life Extension.

Medical science is a wonderful thing, it`s about to give us an average life span of over a hundred years or more, which is just as well `cos its about what I need to catch up with the backlog of programmes on my PVR

Today I`m thinking about..

The Global Financial Crisis.

If only the bankers had put it all on the black instead of the red...

Today I`m thinking about..

British songbird decline.

I tawt I taw a puddy tat.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tweety

Today I`m thinking about..

Disclaimers.

The views expressed in this blog are not necessarily those of the person that thought them up, wrote them down and generally bandied them about.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Large Hadron Collider.

So if they find the God particle and we all survive the experience, will they need to build a bigger machine to find out which (particular) God it belongs to?

Today I`m thinking about..

Insomnia.

Can`t sleep? Have five cups of coffee before going to bed, it won`t help one little bit but at least you will know the reason why.

Today I`m thinking about..

A nice cup of tea.

The Tannin stains your teeth, biscuits make you fat and scalding liquid is held perilously close to your face and crotch, mmmh now thats what I call relaxing.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Internet.

Babble,babble.babble......interesting.......babble,babble,babble.......

Today I`m thinking about..

Bigfoot.

Exclusive.... Bigfoot mystery solved.*.

*  http://www.forestry.gov.uk/westonbirt

Today I,m thinking about..

Stem cell research.

They say that two heads are better than one, let`s hope that it doesn`t become compulsary.

Today I`m thinking about..

Human history.

Pretty quiet for thirteen billion years then all hell breaks loose.

Today I`m thinking about..

Tablet PCs.

Great for news and books but not so useful if you want to start a fire.

Today I`m thinking about..

Cave art.

Easy to find really, just look out for a snooty cavewoman near the entrance.

Today I`m thinking about..

Climate change.

Where is King Canute when you need him.

Today I`m thinking about..

The phone hacking scandal.

If this story appears in the news for much longer it`s going to end up getting a sponsorship deal, logo and a nice range of merchandise.

Today I,m thinking about..

Monetary policy.

We need more money trees.

Today I`m thinking about..

SEO.


I`ve tried using keywords like Torquay, Turkey, Donkey and Hunky but they don`t seem to work for some reason.

Today I`m thinking about..

Vegetarianism.

If it`s got eyes don`t eat it, especially Potatoes and Paninis.

Today I`m thinking about..

UK Economic policy.

Lend us a fiver `til payday or maybe the weekend when my horse comes in.

Today I`m thinking about..

In space no one can hear you scream*.

Sounds like a good place for a Bikini wax..

*Alien (1979)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078748/

today I`m thinking about..

Soap.

In your face in the bathroom and on TV.

Today I`m thinking about..

Conspiracy theories.

I suspect that there is a shadowy group of individuals at the heart of government making them up.

Today I`m thinking about..

Spiritualism.

Live for as long as you can it`s really boring on the other side.

Today I`m thinking about..

Google.

If it knows everything why won`t it give me next weeks lottery numbers?

Today I`m thinking about..

Andy Warhol.

I just hope that my fifteen minutes isn`t spent appearing on Crimewatch*.

*http://www.bbc.co.uk/crimewatch/

Today I`m thinking about..

Alien abduction.

You would think that they would at least leave a ransom note.

Today I`m thinking about..

Moores law.

How computer technology causes self reliance to half every eighteen months.

Today I`m thinking about..

Walk a mile in my shoes.*

Who nicked my shoes?

* Elvis Presley.

Today I`m thinking about..

The end of the world.

At least there will be nobody  to say I told you so on the day after.

Today I`m thinking about..

Peak oil.

Guess it`s time for the Clampetts to head on back to the shack in the mountains.

Today I`m thinking about

"At the end of the day".

Commonly called night time I believe.

Today I`m thinking about..

Insanity.

Talking to yourself isn`t the first sign of madness, only the latest.

Today I`m thinking about..

Commercial space travel.

I only hope that they do return tickets.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Afterlife.

Is really the afterdeath.

Today I`m thinking about..

"Going Forward".

Usually said before "falling flat".

Today I`m thinking about..

Race Hatred.

Personally I can`t stand the 4x400 Metre relay.

Today I`m thinking about..

Easy payments.

Easy debt.

Today I`m thinking about..

Money.

Can`t wait to get it, cant` wait to get rid of it.

Today I`m thinking about..

Deforestation.

Probably caused by hackers.

Today I`m thinking about..

Heaven.

Watch out for the bouncer on the door.

Today I`m thinking about..

Hell.

Put some crumpets in the coffin.....just in case.

Today I`m thinking about..

The Wheel.

It`s about time it was reinvented.

Today I`m thinking about

Life.

It`s all about getting your temperature right.